Through Dark Eyes
by Blue Crow
Summary: Set in the maurauders time. Snape is 16 and begins to find life unbearable. Rated for suicide content and language. SS X OC. Please review
1. I picture you

That morning had been the final straw.

Grey, mountainous clouds cast-back the heavens, and the sun was long forgotten in the inky blue sky. A storm was brewing, it seemed. The familiar October breeze swept carelessly over the castle, overriding the last remnants of warmth. Great steaming mugs of cocoa, tea, coffee, and in fact just about every hot drink you could possibly think of had been laid out on the house tables, awaiting the students for breakfast.

No more than an hour had passed before the large room was full of life once more, a sea of coloured scarves separating the crowds. Towards the end of the table covered in red and gold, a group of sixth year boys sat casually chatting.

"Eurgh remind me to never drink firewhisky again, my head just might explode"

"Like that would be a bad thing!" James sniggered, and ducked to avoid the piece of toast that was thrown his way, (which then landed with a tiny 'splosh' in Lupins cereal)

"If I'd have known we were going to wear our breakfast today, I would've stayed upstairs" he scowled.

"Oh don't fuss about it Moony, frosties suit you anyway" smiled Sirius, leaning back on his chair with ease.

"What've we got first, anyone?"

"Oh! We've got potions Siri," squeaked Pettigrew

"Don't you **dare **call me that again wormtail, or you just might find that your nickname becomes worm…if you catch my drift. Dear lord potions with the Slytherins, one more of those lessons and I'll advise Professor Harrows to shove it up his-,"

"But Padfoot, your forgetting…Snivelly is in the class"

At this a broad smile broke across his face, and Sirius absent-mindedly reached for his wand.

"It wont be so bad after all…well, not for us anyway…"Sirius muttered.

"What've you got in mind?" returned James, matching his devilish grin.

* * *

Half an hour later the 6th year potions class had gathered in the familiar icy, dimly lit dungeon. 

Spider-like handwriting plastered the board, and just as the students had finished reading the rather extensive set of ingredients, a raspy voice sounded from the head desk.

"Personaexplorosa. One of the most powerful, yet intriguing potions known to wizard kind. It is used mostly for interrogation purposes, and is very often compared to Veritaserum. Veritaserum, as you should **all **be aware of by now, (he cast a stern look over a few students) forces the truth out of someone, whereas personaexplorosa delves into the users deepest, and often most troubling experiences, replaying them for all to see. When brewed correctly the potion should be a light shade of amber, emitting occasional-," but Professor Harrows voice had trailed off at a snails pace, whereas the two boys sitting at the very back of his classroom were another story entirely. James and Sirius sat backs-hunched, heads lowered, and deep in conversation.

"So? Even if we did manage to make this slosh, how could we get it down his throat?"

"You just leave it to me. Classic headlock. Preferably at break, as crowded as possible?" Sirius whispered.

"POTTER, BLACK, GET A MOVE ON ALREADY!" bellowed Professor Harrows quite suddenly, resulting in half of the class jumping out of their seats.

* * *

The shrill ring of the bell brought about the end of the lesson, and with the frequent aid of Remus Lupin, Sirius and James had somehow actually managed to brew the correct concoction (much to the surprise of their peers, and teacher alike) James gleefully bottled a phial of the colourful liquid before vanishing the rest with a sweep of his wand, and stowed it carefully in his pocket. Now all they had to do was wait. 

A thin, dark haired boy made his way to the back of the classroom, his tall stature distorted slightly by the immense weight of the books carried on his back. He made his way up the roughly cut stone steps that led to the entrance hall, quite unaware of the boys whom had closely followed. Eager to sit, eat, and socialise, the vast majority of students were already descending the main staircase. James held up his hand with three fingers raised, which soon became two, then one-

It had happened in the blink of an eye. Sirius grabbed Snape round the neck, whom in turn had opened his mouth to shout an incantation, which has instead, been silenced by the phial of personaexplorosa. He had swallowed immediately on instinct, and after a few brisk moments clasped both of his thin, bony hands to his face. It was as if a giant invisible hand had groped inside his head, removed a long reel of film, loaded a projector with it, and hit 'play'. The newly gathered crowd watched curiously, as images began to play directly above Snapes head. The first were somewhat blurred and faint, a tall man standing over a cowering child, whilst his mother sat sobbing in the corner.

"So you've turned out like her, have you," inclined the cold voice as his lips curled into a sinister sneer

"Well, lets see if I cant beat it out of you, as well" The figure then proceeded to smack the boy so forcefully round the face, that he flew several inches backwards, and landed painfully on his nose which gave a terrible crack.

The scene was quickly replaced with another, a drab graveyard with rain spitting slowly from the dark sky. A headstone with an obviously freshly engraved name (the letters stood out in thick black) read:

'Eileen Snape'

Suddenly, through the entrance hall, a shaky voice echoed, distorted by its frequent sobs.

"I-I wish…it **should** have been me instead of you, mum…" The next few sobs were drowned out by the sounds of loud conversation and laughter. The great hall came into view above Snapes dark, greasy hair. It was like looking into a mirror whilst also holding one, and seeing a reflection repeat itself over and over. Each of the house tables were full, it's occupants portrayed in black and white, that was, all except from Serena Dolton (an attractive 6th year Ravenclaw, whom was one of the many faces in the crowd which currently surrounded the present day Snape) Once again, a voice echoed through the entrance hall, seemingly more hollow than the previous (as if instead of speech, it was from thought)

"She is so beautiful…but she would never be interested in such a disgusting, worthless piece of dirt like me…" Serena ran a pale hand through her long, golden her, her deep green eyes meeting his, dark and foreboding for a split second, before the image dissolved into the air, leaving nothing but what seemed a larger empty space than usual, behind.

* * *

He didn't want to see their reactions, he didn't even care. He didn't care about **anything **now. He just ran as fast as his shaking legs could, ignoring the explosion of laughter that was left in his wake. Up the stairs, down the corridors, until he had reached Moaning Myrtles bathroom. Slamming the door shut, he threw his school bag across the room, which smashed one of the dirty mirrors. His ruined inkbottles stained the porcelain sink below it black. Snape picked up a glittering shard that hand landed centimetres from his foot, and sparkled like the most valuable of diamonds. Reluctantly, he lifted his body up, and, leaning carefully over the sink, gazed into the now half mirror. There were tears in his empty eyes. 

"You weak bastard. You don't deserve to live" his voice was silenced by the sickening sound of the shard being dragged across his pale wrist, first one, and then the other. He felt himself sway, and, unable to stay in control, crumpled into a heap upon the floor. The pain was unbearable. Vermillion floods were escaping his veins, and raining down upon the stone floor as if it were a thunderstorm. His eyes began to cloud over, but before he fell into an empty bliss, he saw, in some **nightmare** reality, the corner of a door open, and the most terrified scream follow closely after. But he had soon left this world, the one he saw through dark eyes, behind.

A/N: That was the first chapter, please review and tell me what you thought. P.S please excuse any typo's


	2. So close, yet so far away

The next few days were touch-and-go. Severus Snape had been found in the girl's bathroom on the 3rd floor with considerable blood loss. They had managed to initially save him, but it was as if his body was refusing to recover, as if he had had simply given up.

As the days passed by, the faces around his bed grew grimmer, and by the 20th of October, they believed him to be beyond help. They had done all they possibly could, and gave him an estimated 24 hours to live. This had been a blow to the entire Hogwarts medical staff, but none of their grief could compare with Serena's. She had followed him after the incident in the entrance hall, and was the one who had found him. But now, she was drowning in a tide of depression, and alone, had to face the fact that seemed almost branded into her mind: she just hadn't gotten to him in time.

The morning of the 21st arrived, and it was as if everything had been painted with a layer of frost. The birds were singing in the early mornings sky, but the sun hadn't yet escaped from the dark clouds that held it prisoner beyond the mountains and valleys. It was 6am on a Saturday morning, and nearly all of the students could be found in their dormitories snoring loudly, wrapped safely in their duvets. How Serena wished she could be one of the 'normal people' again. She hadn't smiled in weeks. Her friends couldn't help her, how could they even **begin** to imagine how horrific it was for her to walk in and find his deathly pale face staring up at her. She had screamed for help as loud as she could, but her legs were frozen to the spot. In the few seconds before the teachers had arrived and taken him away, she had prayed and wished and hoped that she would see his chest rise and fall, or for his eyelids to close then open. But he just lay there lifeless, and that image would not leave her until her dying day.

Exhaustion had managed to take a hold of her, and it required all her remaining strength to climb the stairs up to the hospital wing. She didn't care about the pain in her legs or the continuous headaches; she was going to spend the last day at his side, no matter what.

The room was just as she had remembered it from yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. Every bed was spotlessly white, and empty. At the very end of the room, a white curtain separated a few of the what you could call 'intensive care' patients. His was the only bed there. It was as if they were hiding him away, a threat to their perfect working school, full of happy faces and laughter. Why should a dark cloud be aloud to hover over their festivities and downpour suddenly? She couldn't stand him being left so isolated and alone. The tears had already started stinging the corners of her bloodshot eyelids as she drew back the curtain and stepped towards his bed.

Serena was an intelligent girl, and knew fully well that he couldn't hear her as he wasn't conscious, but that didn't stop her from talking to him.

"I brought you these Severus-," She placed a bouquet of white lily's in a vase on his bedside table.

"They remind me of you actually. You are both so fragile…" She brushed a hand over her eyes and continued to talk, all the while never taking her eyes off him. It was only as she succumbed to the temptation of resting her eyes, that his pale face drifted away from view, and was replaced by a dreamless sleep.

* * *

A/N: Sorry that was such a short chapter; the next will definitely be longer. Thank you so much to my reviewers, I really appreciated your comments. I will most likely update again tomorrow as we have mocks at school, and i don't have any exams on that day! Once again, please tell me what you thought. 


	3. Are you happy now?

His eyelashes fluttered gently against his tired eyelids, almost gracefully. It was as if he were taking his first breath all over again. But instead of having a clean slate to begin with, he had re-awoken to the same nightmare that he had tried so desperately to escape from. Gingerly, he opened his eyes and allowed them time to adjust to the brightness of the room. In his mind he was hoping that it had all been one bad dream, and that he had woken up 100 miles away, in a completely different situation, in a completely different life. He knew almost instantaneously, that he was wrong. This was the hospital wing, and he was still at Hogwarts.

His body felt like a dead weight. The useless formation of skin and bones (though it felt like lead) now lay limply upon the bed beneath him, whilst his mind was racing to recall what had happened. Looking down at his wrists, stitched and pale, (he could still see in his minds eye the cascades of blood that had escaped from them) it dawned on him only too quickly that he had attempted to take his own life. Closing his eyes tightly, he wished the images to disappear, as well as the newly forming tears in his eyes, but neither seemed to listen to his command. A voice that he didn't recognise at first escaped his lips whilst sobs racked his weak body.

"Why can't I just die? I couldn't even kill myself for gods SAKE" he smacked his fists against the mattress angrily, and was taken-aback slightly when he saw a figure stir from the end of his bed.

"Oh my god Rachel, Rachel HES OK" the outline shouted, as it ran through the billowing curtain of white. Before he could even question what was happening, a goblet had been pressed to his lips, which was full of the most unpleasant ingredients one could imagine. He drank it reluctantly, and tried his hardest not to wretch, it tasted **awful**.

"That is a regeneration draught Mr Snape, you will have to take it daily for at least a week. That, and bed rest should ensure a complete recovery. Now if you'll excuse me, Miss Dolton would like to speak with you" and with that Madame Holley turned on her heel, and strode out of his view. He then realised with a jolt of panic, that she had said the name Dolton. Why would Serena be visiting him? Maybe there was a professor Dolton or something, coming to lecture him about what he had attempted. That was what was going to happen, he convinced himself. There was no way he would let Serena see him in this state (he could only imagine what he must've looked like, because the fleeting thought of looking into a mirror made his stomach heave violently)

But the girl who stepped into his view against the immaculately white curtain was none other, than Serena Dolton.

Would it have been some years previous, he might have found the fact she was with him comforting, but not now. Surprisingly, he could still remember the first day they had met. Both their mothers were old school friends, and were delighted when their two children became friends, also. It had been a hot day in mid August when his mother had first introduced her. They had spent all day playing in the fields behind his mother's house, whilst herself and Mrs Dolton had tea, and from that day on they grew quite inseparable. He had liked her from the very start, but as he grew older his feelings only grew deeper. On many occasions he had tried to tell her how he felt, but could never quite get the words out. It was only when his mother died that everything changed, and by the time they were both at Hogwarts it was as if they were strangers. He had been sorted into Slytherin, and she Ravenclaw, but the feelings he had had for her never left him.

And now, the 16-year-old Serena was standing in front of him, but she looked far different from how he remembered her in those summer days of innocence. She had become startlingly thin, and more care-worn. Dark circles had appeared beneath her eyes, which themselves seemed red and agitated. He had a weakness for those eyes, and turned his head to avoid meeting her concerned gaze.

"H-hi Severus-," she said shakily, taking a seat beside his bed

"How are you feeling?"

He answered her question with an emotionless stare.

"Now **that** is an understated question," he said coldly, facing the window.

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just. Well, I'm just so happy to see you awake." She stammered.

"So am I to presume you have seen me asleep often a time?" Snape drawled lazily, raising an eyebrow.

"I've been here with you everyday since you were brought in…since you…-,"

"Go on" he stated.

"Since…I found you" she finished quietly.

The silence that followed after her words was thick enough to suffocate the whole castle, it seemed. After several awkward minutes, Snape turned his head to face her and looked her in the eyes.

"I…I wish you hadn't Serena," he said in barely a whisper. He wasn't ashamed to let the tears that had been begging to surface appear. They slid silently down his pallid cheeks, and dropped onto the white bed linen. She rose out of her seat, and sat beside him, shaking. She then wrapped her arms around him, and he winced slightly at the shooting pain in his wrists. She clung onto him as if he were about to be snatched away from her at any moment, stroking his hair delicately.

"Don't you ever say that Severus. You didn't deserve to be treated that way, and you don't deserve to die."

"You never were one to see things that were right in front of your face," he sneered.

"But…" she felt his embrace loosen.

"I didn't want to be saved-," he began, tears of anger stinging his skin.

"I wanted to die Serena and you were the one who kept me in this nightmare. As far as I'm concerned you are as bad as the rest of them. Did you want to keep me here to torment, to hurt, or to simply feel sorry for? Do I make you look good Serena? Does playing the saint gain you popularity? Well here's your fucking prize," he hissed maliciously, showing her his wrists.

"Take a damn good look and I hope you never forget"

She stood up slowly, her legs shaking so much she nearly lost her balance. His obsidian eyes continued to bore into her, it was as if he were looking straight through her.

"Do you know what it feels like, Severus, to watch someone you care so much about wither away before your eyes? Can you even **imagine** it? Yes, you lost your mother at an early age, as did I, and it is killing me to see the same thing happen to you" she paused, her breath catching roughly in her chest.

"And if you want to let that happen so be it. I was a fool-," she choked on her tears.

"I was a fool to try and save the only person I love" With that she ran out of the hospital wing as fast as she could, not looking back once. Snape sunk slowly into his pillow, wishing it would take him under and drown him. He thought of her until he fell into a troubled sleep, as the rain outside continued to lash against his window.

* * *

A/N: Oooh dark. Personally, I liked this chapter, I don't know about the rest of you. Thanks so much to Risi for your constructive criticism, I have taken your points into consideration and will correct the vast majority later on in the story. Sorry about the language, but it only seemed necessary and greatly helped emphasise the angst. I will try and write the next chapter soon, but I have a full day of exams tomorrow and what with taking up smoking I now seem to have very little time on my hands. Thanks to all my current reviewers, and I hope you will review this revised chapter. 


	4. Vindicated

Months passed, and the Christmas holidays had somehow managed to sneak up on students and teachers alike, and to a very much excited welcome on the whole.

The grounds had been covered by an icy blanket and flowers stood frozen in mid-motion, awaiting to be thawed out by the spring. The great hall had once again been spared no expense in accordance with decoration. Clusters of live fairies fluttered between the house tables, which themselves had been adorned by bewitched icicles at every available space. Wood nymphs occasionally ventured out of the gigantic Christmas trees to steal food from students paying not too close attention to their plates, which had been piled high with magnificent seasonal dishes daily.

Severus Snape had been discharged from the hospital wing a few weeks back, but was now being closely (yet subtly) watched by the teachers. He _detested_ the feeling of being observed, like a zoo animal refusing to bow to the conformity practised by its trainer.

It was only within his mind that he claimed sanctuary of late, no one to influence his thoughts or feelings, only himself…which often a time seemed more complicated than letting another guide his worthless life along. So longing had he been to once again reattempt his failed actions that he had spent many a sleepless night researching spell structure and wording.

Sectumsempra 

His own spell, which brought with it his own overwhelming sense of power. He alone would be the one choosing to end his own life through the words that he himself had created. A silver lining, which in his mind, could brighten the darkest of clouds.

Serena had passed him many times in the hallways, but he had trained himself not to look at her. She was merely static in the world surrounding him, creating the overwhelming sense of drowning he had tried to shake off time after time. Guilt passed through the cracks that once resembled his conscience, much alike poison running through a persons veins. The trouble was, he had become so numb that the odd twinge of emotion did not bother him in the slightest. His books, his mind, his skill, were the only things that mattered to him now.

Their final lesson of term was potions, which lightened the dark haired boys mood _slightly. _He had to sit on the same table as Serena, who herself had managed to achieve an 'O' for her OWL's in the subject, and a Hufflepuff who had made it into the class by the skin of his teeth, and whom he disapproved of **_highly._**

Throughout the lesson the hair on Snape's neck stood on end, and once or twice he dropped a few ingredients clumsily, scolding himself under his breath for his reckless behaviour.

You will not say a word to her, do you hear me? 

The sleeve of his robe had rolled up ever so slightly without his notice, revealing a disfiguring line etched across his pallid skin. From the corner of his view he saw Serena wipe her eyes frantically on her sleeve, and turn her head in the opposite direction to him. He yanked the sleeve down instinctively, as it was now the norm for him to draw evermore gasps from his peers, and comments, which he neither liked nor desired. His voice dropped to an inaudible level, but was loud enough for Serena to take notice of.

"_Listen Serena, I am very sorry for what I said to you in the hospital wing that day, you did not deserve to be talked to in that manner." _Snape's mind was racing as he finished his sentence, what in Merlin's name had possessed him to say that! Severus Snape feel remorse for his actions?

"_Its ok Severus, I forgive you"_ she turned to him and smiled shyly, unsure of the truth of his words. He met her gaze with his same Obsidian eyes, which this time were purely devoid of malice or even hate.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness Serena-." His heart caught abruptly in his throat. Her hand was on his, feeling the heat dissipate from her fingertips unto his cold and lifeless hand was such a new experience. It was overwhelming. His head was swimming with so many emotions, clouding his vision. His lips curled into a rare smile, which softened his features greatly. 

"DOLTON, SNAPE, THERE IS A TIME FOR ROMANCE, AND IT IS OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM, NOW YOU EITHER WORK OR GET OUT! AND DON'T THINK THE END OF TERM WILL STOP ME FROM GIVINGYOUBOTH DETENTION!" Professor Harrows shouted across the classroom abruptly, turning every students head in shock.

But to Snape's great surprise (or perhaps panic), instead of flushing a violent red and mumbling an apology, Serena got up, packed their belongings with a sweep of her wand, and walked out of the class, their hands still entwined. A livid Professor Harrows slammed the potions door shut behind them without another moments notice. Snape had never been so happy about the start of the holidays.

* * *

A/N: Oh my gosh long time no write. I don't really mind the mushiness of this chapter, but rest assured it won't last very long, given Snape and his whole background, etc. I can't really give anything else away…because in truth I haven't actually had any ideas for the next chapter! I look forward greatly to reading your reviews! 


	5. Creep

Serena laughed at their teachers sudden burst of anger, and suggested the two get out of the dungeons before he came out to lecture them on their disregard for classroom rules.

"I think we should go for a walk"

"Fine by me" Serena said smiling.

As they left the entrance hall Decembers chill descended, and both teenagers had to draw their cloaks around them in an effort to keep warm. They walked through the snow-covered grounds in a reflective silence, each caught up in their own thoughts.

"Serena-," Snape stopped abruptly, facing her.

"Yes?"

"Why do you like me?" his tone was flat and cold as the snow beneath their feet.

"Well what's not to like?"

He rolled his dark eyes.

"Everything"

"You put yourself down too much Severus, do you know that? You're an intelligent, kind and caring person."

"You deserve so much better than me Serena."

"I of all people should no what I deserve. It isn't healthy for you to mask your feelings Severus, and build up walls to keep the ones who care about you out. You can't keep doing this," She said, frustrated. "You're not the only one who feels alone!"

He wrapped his arms around her, whilst she tried her hardest to keep her tears from surfacing.

"I act that way so I wont get hurt anymore than I already am Serena, you have to understand," he said softly.

"And do you think I'm truly happy Severus? My mothers gone and my father is as good as. I haven't seen him in 9 years…and the only support I get is from my friends. When we came to Hogwarts you became so distant and cold, I was forced to accept the fact that my best friend in the world had abandoned me, too."

"You know I would never abandon you, but what I did was for your own good Serena. I'm bad business and you needn't be involved. You'd be better off and happier without me in your life. I'm making you cry right now." He brushed a few tears from her face.

"I'm crying because you won't let anyone in, after all the time we'd spent together, do you honestly think I'd stopped caring about you? I told myself I had to move on, but in the back of my mind I always knew I hadn't given up hope. Do you have any idea how _I_ felt when I found you on that bathroom floor? "

"Do you have any idea what I felt? I didn't have anything to live for, and what happened just…pushed me over the edge. I had no one to talk to, no one to comfort me, no one who cared" Serena raised an eyebrow and he grinned feebly.

"Well…I was wrong about that last part. But I've never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm not going to start now. I'm broken inside Serena. You have to understand that there is no future for us "

She looked him straight in the eyes.

"Tell me what I honestly mean to you Severus… I need to know"

His heart was racing, and he felt as if her green eyes were compressing his lungs. The right words just weren't surfacing. If he told her would she laugh in his face? Would she go and tell all her friends and have the Marauders taunt him even further? How could he possibly begin to tell her how he felt?

"…I love you Serena," he flinched slightly and scolded himself in his mind for showing emotion.

"I always have" he lowered his face and gently tilted her chin upwards. He kissed her delicately, yet with a force that told her everything she needed to know. Her mind was swimming as she deepened the kiss. All she knew was that she wanted to be as close to him as possible. Neither of them knew how long they had stood there for, but when their lips finally broke apart, Serena's knees were shaking and Snape had to tighten his hold around her waist. He gave a rare smile, one which she hadn't seen since they were both 9 years old.

"Please don't ever let me go," she whispered.

"I won't"

Oh my god I've never written a kiss scene before, that probably sucked! Sorry it was a short and kind of boring chapter again, my GCSE's are almost over so Ill have time to concentrate on this I promise! Im in an evil sort of mood so I dont think I'll keep them both happy like this for very long muhaha :p Pleeeeease review if anyone is still bothering to read this trash !


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